Intro
Lets face it-life is busy. We all glorify this act of ‘being busy’ that we sometimes forget about the importance of just being content with our lives. One of the key ingredients that has changed my life are my daily non-negotiables. Establishing a list of non-negotiable daily wellness habits is an easy way to take charge of your life. This way, you can feel more empowered and less stressed. For me, it’s important to have daily non-negotiables. These are parts of my day that I’m not willing to negotiate on, because they are important to my personal well-being. Non-negotiables can also be boundaries, in addition to habits, routines, or activities that you commit to – no matter what. These are individualized based on your own personal values and beliefs. When unexpected or difficult situations arise, these principles can help you get back to basics and focus on the things that are important in your life. They can help keep you on track toward success and happiness. “Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.” We live in a busy world. There is always something, or someone, fighting for our attention. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to lose the time we need for ourselves. The white space in our days is often the first thing to get squeezed out as demands on our time escalate. To combat this pull to overwhelm, I decided to create a list of daily non-negotiables. Having a list of non-negotiables means I get to control at least a portion of my day. I can ensure some of what is important to me, keeps its space when everything else is at risk of being crowded out.
The Daily Three
My daily three, as I have coined it, includes time for the following: Movement, Stillness and
Insight. Let’s break each down.
Movement: This is time for either a formal movement practice (most often bodyweight strength work, some weights, or yoga), an informal mobility flow and stretching what is tight, or just a long walk. Some days will include a combination of all. I believe deeply in the power of physical practice. Regular movement is good for the mind and body. It energises and nourishes us. It can also boost our mood, reduce chronic pain, and help us sleep better at night. All good reasons to make movement a priority in our days. And this time doesn’t have to be something we dread, like an early morning trip to the gym (personally, I love these). We can also introduce an element of play. Discovering movement on a deeper level. Rediscovering that childlike quality of just enjoying being in our bodies and seeing what they can do, whether that means dancing, tumbling, hula hooping, playing frisbee, or running down a hill, arms flailing, like we did as kids. There are many ways we can settle on what works best for us but also experiment, peppering our day with mini-movement breaks.
Stillness: Time to reflect, to ponder. Time to absorb. Time to reset and replenish. Time to be.
Some will use this time for a seated meditation. I prefer long walks (which, along with writing and yoga, are as close as I get to a formal meditation practice). This is also my time for listening to music. Music settles my mind on the busiest of days, bringing me back to myself. For others, it may have the reverse effect, but this works for me. Less frequently this space will also mean time for a more indulgent self-care routine (massage, sauna, steam, etc). Time to switch off and be pampered. We all deserve some pampering occasionally.
Time in stillness can often mean thinking of how I can be of service to others and the world around me in some small but meaningful way. This could be a random act of kindness or something more substantial. While self-care and time inside our own heads is important, so is time spent thinking on how we can make the world a little better for those around us.
This is also the time for a gratitude practice. Thinking of one to three things I’m grateful for today. Big or small, they all count. Making space for a gratitude practice is one of the most powerful changes anyone can make to their lives. It shifts the lens through which we see the world. When we feel gratitude, true appreciation and joy for something, it’s hard to stay in a negative space. When I think about being grateful for something (or someone), my mind clears, it focuses purely and simply on the act of being grateful. Too often in life, our mind wants to zig and zag. Striving for the next thing and the next. Planning and plotting ahead. Dwelling on the negative, what we are missing, what we did wrong, how far we are from our goals, how we dealt with a situation in a less than optimal way. This negative bias and future-creep does not serve us well. We suffer. Instead, we need to be a little kinder to ourselves and detach from our expectations of what could or should be. Making time in our day for stillness acts as an anchor to bring us back to ourselves. It’s grounding.
Insight: Time to learn something new or dig deeper into an area of interest. This will usually involve reading (or re-reading) a book, listening to a podcast, or listening to someone smart. Sometimes it might be a passage from a favourite book I come back to or a quote that speaks to me. I collect quotes for my writing, but there are several favourite ones I return to over and over. They always provide me with inspiration and are a source of energy.
This can also be time to go deeper on a subject in a more expansive way. A course, workshop, or some time with a coach of some sort. Doubling down on a subject we are passionate about. Investing in our knowledge.
The purpose of daily non-negotiables
The purpose of wellness non-negotiables in life is to help guide you towards a fulfilling, healthy, and happy life. If you’re trying to develop your own list of wellness non-negotiables, try focusing on one or two in order to start your journey. Remember that you’re the only one who can truly live your life the way you want to live it – it’s important to decide what is non-negotiable in your life. Again, these will look different to everyone and I will discuss ‘picking from your menu’ later on, which explains taking what you need for the day ahead as some days you wake up energised, tired or anxious. Some days you have less time or other days you have more time. These principles have helped me through so many different challenges. When life seemed unpredictable and a bit overwhelming at times, these practices helped me stay focused on what is really important. Try incorporating one or more of these habits into your daily routine and notice how much better you feel! Life does not always go according to plan. Quite opposite, life has no plan or set course with rules that it neatly abides by. Instead, it’s akin to the ocean in that it comes rolling in waves. The waves tend to follow a general pattern, allowing us to predict and prepare to surf them, but the tide can take a sharp turn when we least expect it. It’s all about riding the waves. Being flexible, and changing course when circumstances call for it. So how do we make sure that we don’t lose ourselves and our priorities in the waves of life that will never cease? It’s important to remain grounded and have a centering force. I like to think of it as my list of everyday non-negotiables: things that I prioritise for the sake of my mental and physical well-being, so that I am enabled to give more of myself to my life, and everyone and everything in it. Understandably, situations happen, and sometimes we can’t have everything on this list, everyday, but consider your list of non-negotiables as your anchor of your ship in the ocean of waves. Having a set of non-negotiable items, tasks, foods, mantra’s–whatever it may be can help you stay more focused and centered in this crazy, hectic life. I find it SO important to make a PERSONAL list (key word being ‘personal’ as your list will differ greatly from anyone else. I challenge you to make a list of items that you must adhere to everyday to keep that head on your shoulders as balanced as can be! “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not a act, but a habit”
What exactly are non-negotiables?
Non negotiables follow values and principles and truly define the most important aspects of both yourself and what you expect and deserve from others. They CAN be deal breakers, for instance I knew I would never date a smoker. These are deep seeded promises. They are the promises you keep to yourself. The thing about daily non-negotiables is that they are extremely unique and personal to you and your situation. Everyone’s list will be different. They guide you through your day and during times of tough decision making. To ensure a happy, healthy life-these non negotiable items should have one common theme; they should bring you complete and utter HAPPINESS and make you feel POSITIVE. Striving for personal excellence each and everyday can bring us joy, positive thoughts as well as a great challenge. These non-negotiable items can shape us into the person we are.
Setting your Non-Negotiables
Alignment: Non-negotiables help keep you balanced, especially during busy and particularly challenging times. They are not here to hinder and take up your time, but to give you more energy, happiness and space. Identifying what we value, as well as how we want to feel, will help to create non-negotiables that are important to us and increase the likelihood of success. For example, if you want to experience a calm, clear mind, what non-negotiable will help you achieve this?
Clarity: From a foundation of what you value and how you want to feel, continue to find clarity! Brainstorm what is nice to have and what is essential. Identify the highest of priorities of what you want to have in your life that support and enhance your health the most! Write a list and put it somewhere to remind you daily!
Current: Change is a part of life and as our life changes, our priorities may too. Review and reflect on your non-negotiables every few months, asking if they still resonate and suit your current situation.
How to make them stick!
Let’s be real… There is no easy answer! Life is smooth, with everything going to plan – until it’s not. It’s easy to decide on something in the moment, but actually doing it and doing it consistently, is the tricky part. Life happens, things come up and plans change. Life takes us all on an unexpected journey at different points, so it’s important to remember to be realistic and flexible when we need to be. Remembering why we implemented our non-negotiables in the first place can help. They aren’t meant to be so rigid that they begin to negatively impact our health and cause additional stress to our lives. Instead, they are to help us stay accountable to what really matters. We create them to help us keep, in the forefront of our minds, what is important to us. If we decide to skip our non-negotiable, asking ourselves how we will feel if we do skip it will help us stay on the right track to being healthy, happy and well.
Sleep
Without this, I cannot do my daily non-negotiables. When I don’t get enough sleep, I am an emotional roller coaster. Mix in a lack of sleep with a bit too much caffeine (often guilty of this) and you have a disaster zone. I feel my best when I’m getting at least 8, preferably 9 hours of sleep. I wish I could be one of those people who feels fine with little sleep. I am not and have come to accept that and plan accordingly. This is a literal recharge for your body and where much of the magic happens. For your body, it is a factory cleaning and reset. For your mind, it’s the storage and digestion of information and memories. This is a HUGE priority for me. Sleep is such a magical and wonderful way to help us feel better and more productive during the day. In terms of simply feeling refreshed, muscle growth and recovery in response to exercise occurs in our sleep, so good sleep is essential when it comes to muscle-building. Too little sleep can inhibit the body’s ability to repair and grow muscle after exercise. Too little sleep can also lead to a decrease in muscle mass. Cortisol also comes into play here (stress hormone) that can increase due to a lack of sleep. My tips for getting a restful nights sleep would be to develop a pre-sleep routine that will help you doze off more quickly. I like to read (not on my phone because brightness will keep the brain stimulated longer) and drink some decaf tea. Make sure that you have a proper sleep environment that ensures a restful night. You’ll sleep a lot better if your room is cool (60-67 degrees Fahrenheit or so), dark, and clean. Find a pillow that is comfy and suits your sleep style, and if possible make sure your bed provides you the right type of support. We spend a whole third of our lives sleeping, which makes it a pretty dang important activity! Whether you’re not getting enough sleep or you’re not getting enough good quality sleep, the following examples would make great non-negotiables for you. When you make sleep a priority, not only do your nights get better, but your days do too! So what are you waiting for?! It’s time to up-level your sleeping game with a new non-negotiable. Examples of sleep non-negotiables: Getting no less than 8 hours of sleep every single night, Turning off ALL electronics one hour before bedtime (even your wifi), and Investing in a high-quality mattress.
Morning Coffee: YESSSSS! This one sounds silly, but this is something that I absolutely need. It is so much more than coffee. It is the time of comfort, renewing, relaxing, delicious smells and appreciation. To me, my morning coffee is the culmination of savouring a moment that makes me smile and truly sets the tone for my day.
No Screens: As a culture we spend so much time on our screens. Since the start of the new year, I’ve committed to not looking at my phone around waking and sleeping hours and I have to say it’s helped me a lot. Especially upon waking! When I wake up, I make it a point to not grab my phone first thing. Usually I’ll wait about 45 mins into the morning before reaching for that screen. It really gives the nervous system a chance to wake up and allows your creativity to flow before being bombarded with what tasks you need to accomplish and what everyone else is doing on social media. We get so caught up in our phones and technology that sometimes we don’t remember walking from point A to point B. Put it in your pocket, and engage with your surroundings and your company. Make your mornings better. Find your alternative to scrolling.
Journaling: Do you ever wish you had a friend who would listen to you completely and wholeheartedly, without judgement and with full acceptance? With whom you could let all your thoughts flow and take a deep breath of relief. With whom you could empty your mind and talk for hours? Wouldn’t it be nice if that friend offered her (or his) wisdom. If you want a friend like that, hold your breath, because you are about to be introduced to one.
Meet “Dear Diary” – your personal journal. A journal can be your very own friend who would always be there for you, whenever you need. Journaling is a powerful tool to manage our anxiety and reduce stress and boost our mental health. Your journal can be a place where you share your challenges, joys, victories, and sadness. It is a place where you can connect with that part of you that believes in you, that wants to support you and is rooting for you. It is a place where you can come home to yourself. Where you can just be without pretences and empty your mind. A place where you can let your mind speak and hear your inner wisdom.
I have experienced the profound benefits of journaling and always find myself going back to the pages when I am seeking my own counsel. I journal every day from 1-3 pages. Sometimes, I write my reflections and lessons, sometimes I write in my gratitude journal, or other times I write my positive affirmations. But not a day goes by when I don’t write anything. Action Steps: Start writing one page of a journal starting today. Don’t filter yourself, don’t overthink this. If you think about what to write, start by describing your day, what were the highlights, what was fun, what bothered you and let it flow from there. There is no one right way to do this. It’s a conversation you are having with yourself. No edits required.
Meditation and Mindfulness: There is no dearth of research and studies available which highlight how meditation and mindfulness has both physical and mental health benefits. Plus, I can tell you from my personal experience that meditating, even for a short while every day, has made me calmer, stronger, kinder and more present. We all know how beneficial meditation is for us and yet, we still have the nerve to skimp out on our practice! We need to put this nonsense behind us and get on this high vibe bandwagon once and for all. Time to take your mindfulness practice to the next level by making it a non-negotiable. (And if you don’t even know how to begin meditating… start here.) Examples of meditation/mindfulness non-negotiables: 15 minutes of meditation first thing, every single morning and 20 minutes of meditation every morning and night. Try it out for yourself. Start by meditating 5 minutes a day. No step is too small to make a positive impact on your journey. In the beginning, it helps to use one of the guided meditations. There are lots of resources and phone apps that teach meditation. Try a few and find one that you like to keep a track of your meditation journey.
Eat nourishing meals: I make it a priority throughout the day to make myself (at least) 3 nourishing meals along with countless snacks. The food we put into our bodies directly reflects how we feel, so fuel those beautiful bodies with the best stuff you can. Nourish your body, nourish your mind. Food is a huge thing when it comes to living a high vibe life. You literally become what you eat on a cellular level so it’s important that you’re putting quality stuff into your bod. I know it sounds obvious, but are you actually doing it?! Probably not. That’s why committing to healthy food guidelines (that you find the most beneficial for your body) is key. Examples of food non-negotiables: Eating protein for breakfast every day.
Move your body: For me, there is nothing better than getting outside in the fresh air, putting on a podcast or my favourite music and going for a long walk. It’s gentle on your body and has amazing benefits for changing a mood. Other ways of moving your body could be yoga, lifting heavy weights or dancing – anything to thank your body for the gift of movement and its health. If you’re not moving your body, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. Your body needs movement, and so does your soul. You already know this. 20 minutes a day is what the doctors recommend, but I say the more the merrier! (As in, the merrier you’re gonna feel.) So get up and shake your booty! Or at least do whatever you gotta do to move around.
Examples of exercise non-negotiables: Going for a 20-minute walk every single day, Doing X amount of push-ups or sit-ups every morning, Always taking the stairs instead of elevators.
Spend time in nature: Spending time in nature has been a vital part of my wellness practice during the past months. I walk in the fresh air every day, no matter what the weather is like. And I have also been taking advantage of a nearby forest to do some forest bathing. This is an ancient Japanese practice, shinrin yoku, that helps you to relax and destress by spending some time calmly and quietly beneath the trees. Did you know that nature is literally medicine? And I’m not just talking about when you ingest it in a tea or pill. I’m talking about spending time in nature. When you spend time in nature you literally start attuning to the high frequency of it! Meaning you heal, become whole, start vibrating higher, and feeling better. Talk about a vibration raising hack, you don’t even have to do anything except be there! Examples of nature non-negotiables: A daily visit to the park by your house, Keeping lots of plants in the house. (For all you city dwellers…), Going camping at least 3 times a year.
Mindfulness practices
Watch your self-talk: Self- talk is the voice in our heads that is constantly giving an opinion. Oftentimes, this opinion can be very harsh. You know those days where you realise you just feel kinda crappy and you aren’t sure why? Well, I challenge you to tune into the way you are talking to yourself. If you notice that the voice in your head isn’t being very nice on a given day, the first step in changing those patterns of negativity is being aware. I’ve gone through big periods of time in my life where my self- talk wasn’t so good and have found a way out of it though being mindful of my thoughts. When I have a thought that isn’t so nice, I have learned to counter that thought with a positive thought. Give it a try. Changing the channel on negative thought patterns starts with awareness!
Avoiding toxic positivity: I’m grateful for my established wellness habits and how they have supported me through my difficult times. But I still have down days, just like everyone else. One practice that has been vital over the past year is learning simply to feel what I am feeling. I used to try to brush off low moods and replace them with something more positive. But I’ve learned to acknowledge and sit with every feeling, both positive and negative. At the same time, I also give myself permission to move on when it is time. Finding the balance can be tricky, but it comes with time.
Optimism + Surrounding Myself With Positive People: Negative energy can suck the life out of a room. Fast. You are in complete control of how you react to the people and events in your own life. You know those people who just suck the life out of a conversation. We truly do create our own happiness and choosing who to share that with is completely YOUR choice. My suggestion here is that if you want MORE out of your current life, then you need to make space for those things by taking full appreciation for what you currently have. Focusing on the GOOD makes room for more GOOD just as breading misery only attracts that as well. Also being less judgemental ties into this! I would suggest evaluating people in your life who you care about and who you spend time with. Do these people push you to be your best self? Do they support you unconditionally? Can you be your true self around them? Will they be honest no matter what, in a constructive way? You can’t be afraid to cut out friends, co-workers or unsupportive family if they are holding you back. You can also try to ignore negative comments. For instance, if a good friend is going through something tough and he or she is just being super negative, just give the most simple answers. If he or she actually says something positive, then provide some enthusiasm and reinforcement for their comments. If you think that someone is being manipulative, emotionally immature, narcissistic or just bringing you down. Take some space. You have complete control of that. Also be empathetic because this person may be going through something you are unaware of, so by giving them space it may give them the time they need to come back in a brighter light .
Breathing: Deep breathing changes lives! The more you breathe the more your life will flow. Literally. Scientists have found positive correlations between the quality and depth of your breathing and how easy your life is. So if you want things to flow, your breath needs to start flowing first. So try one of these non-negotiables and see how ya feel. Examples of breathing non-negotiables: Doing a deep breathing exercise on your way to and from work, Setting hourly reminders on your phone throughout the day to take three deep breaths, Breathing in fresh air from the good old outdoors for at least 30 minutes a day.
Self Care non-negotiables
Self-care is an ongoing practice I advocate for and personally exercise every day. It’s a self-care non-negotiable; a holistic way of prioritising myself by nourishing my body, mind and soul. Self-care is more than a luxury, but rather a necessity for my survival. We owe it to ourselves to support and serve others. And we cannot give what we do not have, which is why it is vital to give to ourselves first.
What is a non-negotiable in self-care?
A self-care non-negotiable is an intentional choice of firmly deciding (without debate) to do what you need to ensure you are completely taken care of. Giving to yourself first requires your commitment to making yourself a priority and intentionally choosing what’s important to you by knowing your well-being should be what’s important to you. Like your supervisor holds you to an expectation, you should uphold yourself to the same standard as your self-care is not up for negotiation.
Non-Negotiable Self-Care for Your Body
Non-Negotiable Self-Care for Your Mind
Non-Negotiable Self-Care for Your Soul
The Time Conundrum: Doing What You Can, When You Can
When life gets busy, it can be tough to find any free time in your days. The good news is you can work your non-negotiables into the time you have available. A short five minutes here or there, between other responsibilities, adds up. If you have trouble making time for half an hour of seated meditation every morning, perhaps you could reduce the pressure and instead allow five to ten minutes before you go to bed (or even in bed) each night instead. Or use a meditation app on your phone for your day while walking from work to home. The important thing is that we make at least some time for things that are important to us and for us, a promise to ourselves and a form of self-care. Some days we might have more time, some days less. There is no right way to do this. We all work from where we are and with what we have. These non-negotiable elements should add to the quality of our lives, not create an additional stressor. So long as we make a little time for the things that nourish and energise us, we will reap the benefits. Experiment, make your own list of daily non-negotiables, and feel the power of this simple habit.
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