Social media has taken the stress of comparison up a notch, as we all know full well by now. It’s hard to feel like you’re doing well when you’re constantly being shown a crafted story about how great everyone’s lives are. (This is yet another reason you should take more breaks away from your phone, btw)
You take your life and hold it up next to someone else’s and then you decide, based on fragmented information and a whole slew of biases and false assumptions, which one of you wins.
No matter which way you play it, the comparison game is toxic. Either you win, which means you feel you’re superior and you’re judging others as somehow inferior to you — or you lose, which means you feel you’re inferior and you’re judging others as superior to you.
The problem with comparison is that at its core, it implies that we humans can be ranked.
Let me be clear: WE CANNOT. No human is of greater or lesser value than the next. We are all equal. Unfortunately, we do live in a culture that seems obsessed with ranking ourselves. We’re always in competition with each other. Yes, some people do have more than others. I’m just saying that our inherent worth can’t be based on those things.
Growing up, I played the comparison game all day long. I struggled a lot with confidence in general. I had no self-esteem. So I was constantly analysing others and myself, and I always found myself lacking. Every other girl was prettier than me, more popular than me, better dressed than me, etc. It was, as you can imagine, an exhausting way to live.
Like I mentioned above, we humans love competition. In a way, it’s a primal instinct to want to rank above each other. Animals assert dominance. Humans do, too. But as the evolved species capable of consciousness, it’s our responsibility to wake up to the higher truth that we’re all equal.
That’s why it’s important to stop comparing ourselves to others. It contributes to a false belief of separation, the idea of a THEM vs ME, rather than US.
When you compare, it’s really not about the other person. It’s about you and your own insecurities. That’s true whether you think you’re the superior or inferior one. Either way, you’re trying to seek either comfort for your pain (reassuring yourself you’re great) or you’re trying to wallow in it. It’s not effective, and it’s not healthy.
The good news? It’s a game you don’t have to play.
We fall into the unconscious habit of comparing ourselves all the time. But it’s just that: a habit. And habits you can break.
The comparison game is just a game your mind really enjoys playing. It’s a comfortable thought process, a familiar rhythm, and it’s… super lazy.
The key is to become aware that it’s something you do, then recognize when it’s happening, stop yourself, and choose to change your thought to something more positive + constructive. Then you have to commit to it.
It takes practice. This is not going to produce some magical overnight transformation. And, honestly, it’ll be really irritating at first, and you’ll feel kind of silly, and then you’ll get frustrated because it won’t really work. Just notice all of that as it happens, be kind to yourself, do your best, and then try to move on and enjoy your life. If you keep doing that same practice of catching yourself in the act over and over, you’ll eventually form a new habit: NOT comparing!
It’s a lot easier to try to find your value in a tangible number/title/insert your choice of material ranking here instead of doing the dirty work to know that your value has to come from yourself, and yourself alone.
Let me repeat that:
Your value has to come from yourself, and yourself alone.
Once you decide to be happy and not feel better or worse about yourself based on other people you encounter, you find freedom.
It feels SO much better to celebrate others rather than tear them (and yourself) down.
When you think about it, it’s funny that we’re all self-absorbed enough to even assume that we have enough information to compare ourselves to others in the first place.
You probably know VERY little about the person you compare yourself to the most!
The best advice for quitting the comparison game? Stay in your own lane.
Whenever I feel jealous, or worry that I’m not measuring up to my peers, I remind myself: Stay in your own lane.
Everyone’s paths are different. That’s why comparing is so ridiculous. It builds barriers between us and others, it pits us against each other, and it’s based on false judgments. We’re all on totally unique journeys. Our lives are completely different. Comparison really isn’t even possible.
If you find yourself wanting what others have, it’s a sign that you need to start working towards that goal. Use others as inspiration, not as a measuring stick. In the Life Olympics, everyone’s playing their own unique sport. No two are the same. And that means you have no one to compete with but yourself.
Choose to be the best YOU you can be, and you’ll always come out a winner.