Learn how to Let Go of Painful Feelings and the Past.

Introduction

We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.

We have all struggled with it. Letting go. Moving on from our past. We struggle with ridding ourselves of guilt, shame, and grief. Struggling with freeing ourselves from mistakes, past relationships, and worries about the future. It’s frustrating because we are fully aware of the importance of letting go and moving on. We know that attachment is the reason we suffer. We know that past pain, anger, and resentment holds us back. We know that holding on to the unwanted blocks the wanted from coming in. Letting go is essential. But, it’s not always easy to apply theory to practice. Why do we refuse to learn how to let go of the past? Why is it so difficult to let go of experiences that have caused us pain and suffering? We only retain information that has feelings attached to it.  Information with emotion makes an incredible impression. This is why so many of our limiting beliefs are formed in childhood – yet it doesn’t explain why we refuse to learn how to let things go.

 

Why Letting Go is Hard

First of all, everything is energy. Our thoughts and feelings emit a vibration, and what we send out to the world is what we receive back. This isn’t some woo-woo thing—it’s quantum physics (source). That means that whatever we give our attention to—wanted or unwanted—grows. If you focus on happiness, joy, and satisfaction, you’ll experience more of that. If you focus on pain, regret, and guilt, you’ll experience more of that. Just think about it, have you ever tried to rid yourself of stress, only to have found yourself getting more stressed, especially when you knew you shouldn’t stress? Or have you told yourself to stop worrying, only to have found more things to worry about? Unless you’re able to truly let it go—meaning that you withdraw your attention completely from it—you’re more likely to focus on the unwanted and thus draw more of that into your life.

 

Say “yes” to what is.

You cannot reject or push against the unwanted. You cannot focus on a problem and find the solution. Because the solution is never where the problem is. So, you need to shift focus.

You shift focus by first accepting what is. If you want to let go of shame, start by first accepting that you’re feeling shameful. Don’t argue with your thoughts and feelings. Don’t resist them. Don’t try to push them away. Instead, give them permission to exist.

As Eckhart Tolle said, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” To reach complete acceptance, spiritual teacher Bentinho Massaro suggests a technique where you agree with your limiting and hurtful thoughts. For example, to accept guilt over something that happened, tell yourself, “Yes, I’m guilty.” If you struggle with forgiveness, tell yourself, “Yes, that’s right, I can’t forgive this person.” This doesn’t mean that what you’re saying is true. Instead, it’s a tool to control negative thoughts and emotions so they don’t control you. By agreeing with them, the battle between you and them ends. When there’s nothing more to argue about, they lose their power over you..

 

Let in instead of letting go.

Once you’ve reached a place of complete acceptance, you can move on to the second step.

This is about inviting the new. Letting go can easily trigger fear. When you leave something behind and don’t know what to replace it with, you leave space for the unknown. Change is always scary, especially when you don’t know what’s coming next. That’s why you might find yourself clinging to the unwanted because that’s what’s familiar and known to you.

To make sure that doesn’t happen, consciously decide what’s coming next. Let in instead of letting go. Rather than pushing away the unwanted, invite the wanted. If you want to let go of anxiety and self-doubt, invite peace and confidence. If you want to let go of a past relationship, invite a new loving relationship. If you want to let go of the lazy and dull version of yourself, invite an active and energetic version of you.

 

Turn letting go of the past into a “must”.

The first step is to acknowledge what is holding you back and think about why you must move on. What exactly are you holding on to – a failed relationship? A slight from a friend or family member that you just can’t get over? Do you need to forgive someone – either in person or in your own heart – so that you can let go of anger and step into a more peaceful state? Once you have identified why letting go of the past is so difficult, ask yourself: “What are the reasons that I absolutely must move beyond this?” How will your life change when you learn how to move on from the past?  And how will you feel in this new chapter of your life? This is one of the most important parts of the process because it will help you stay committed to letting go of the past..

 

Identify your emotional habits

Identifying your emotional habits is one of the most challenging parts of letting go of the past because it requires deep introspection. How do you live your life? What are your limiting beliefs? Where do you live emotionally? We all have patterns, and whether they are positive or negative doesn’t matter, because they are comfortable. When you grow accustomed to certain emotions, even negative ones, you don’t notice how they affect you on a daily basis. You don’t realize that you’re stuck in a negative emotional loop – you believe you’re reacting as anyone would to any given situation. But our unique emotional habits can have a profound influence on the way we look at life, the way we act and how good we are at moving on from the past. So why settle for a life where we empower the negative emotions and disempower the positive? Identifying your emotional habits starts the shift toward a more positive experience. Your emotions are like a muscle: You can train yourself to feel frustrated, sad, stressed or even depressed after a challenging situation arises. Or you can train yourself to feel passionate, joyful and strong, even when something bad happens in your life. When you take charge of your emotions, you can learn how to let go of the past in a way that makes you feel lighter and freer instead of fearful. When you catch yourself falling into a negative emotional habit, work to cut off the thought and switch gears immediately. The more you condition yourself, the more wired those emotions become and the more you adapt to any situation thrown your way.

 

Create empowering rituals

Letting go of the past isn’t easy. Empowering rituals can help you cultivate that thriving garden. There’s a reason that the world’s most successful people all establish daily routines that include things like a healthy breakfast, meditation, exercise and learning new things. It’s the small rituals that you do every day that build momentum and lead to massive change.

Start your morning with a powerful priming ritual, which combines elements of meditation and visualization to make your day what you want it to be. Practice meditation to clear your mind and help yourself live in the present. And always eat right and exercise, because the fuel you give your mind and body is essential to taking massive action. Realize that everything that happened to you in the past is what made you the person you are now: a strong, powerful person who can bounce back from anything. When you love yourself and your life, it’s easier to let go of the past for good.

 

Shift your focus

So much pain in life is caused by thinking you can control the way other people feel and act. We think that our circumstances are the result of some mysterious force, when they are really the result of our own decisions. We have the ability to turn negatives into positives, setbacks into opportunities, failures into lessons. All we need to do is accept that the only thing we control in life is our own actions and decisions – and shift our focus away from other people and events outside our control.

 

Teach yourself to be present

You must also shift your focus to be mindful of the present. Remember, the present is the only time that matters. The future only exists in your imagination – it isn’t real. The past only exists in your memory. The only thing that is real is what is happening right now. And that’s why there’s nothing more powerful than the human soul rooted in the present moment, free from the past or the future.

 

Work on personal growth

There’s no better time to work on a personal growth plan than when you want to learn how to let things go. Focusing on learning and improving is not only a distraction from negative thoughts – it’s also empowering. Take this time to figure out what it means to you. Do you want to develop your career? Create the healthy relationship you deserve? Once you’ve identified the areas you want to work on, pinpoint the obstacles you may face and assemble the tools you need to succeed. As you gather these tools, consider working with a coach during your personal growth journey.  Journaling is another tool that can be helpful. Writing down your thoughts can help you identify what’s holding you back and move on. You can also practice gratitude, which can help you live in the moment, instead of in the past. Start a gratitude journal or practice it during your morning meditation. Think about all that you have to be grateful for in your current life. This can give you the perspective you need to finally learn how to let go of the past.

 

Surround yourself with positive people 

What separates those who achieve their goals from those who don’t? It isn’t time or skills – it’s knowing how to use the law of attraction to get what they want. They know that what you focus on, you feel. The energy you put out into the world is what you get back. And who you surround yourself with is who you become. The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.

 

Focus On What You Desire

It’s frustrating to replay mistakes over and over in your mind. It’s frustrating to cling to things from the past. It’s frustrating when you try really hard, but are unable to move on. Not only does that taint your future, it also steals the joy from this present moment. Instead of trying harder to let go, accept fully where you are. Embrace it completely. Say yes to all worry, shame, and guilt. Confirm all the negative thoughts and feelings so that you can release yourself from their grip. Simply, give up the battle. Then, invite what you desire. Imagine, visualize, and fantasize what you’d love to have instead in your life. Where focus grows, energy flows. Focus on the wanted, not the unwanted.