How to not give a fuck about anything or anyone.

How to not give a fuck what anyone thinks of you. How to build Self confidence, respect and love and give zero fucks. 

 

How to not give a fuck about anything or anyone.

 

Life is too short to care about what other people think. The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think. Your Life Is Not Yours If You Care What Others Think. 

 

Why do we care?

Joining a group or tribe and being accepted by others was critical to survival. Even though today we might not need tribes to survive, we do need other people for stimulation and companionship. Humans are social animals, so placing weight on others’ opinions of you is entirely natural and largely unavoidable. Fear of negative evaluation is especially strong for people who have social anxiety. People with low self-esteem and those who grew up without emotional support are also more likely to care too much what other people think of them.

 

So let’s get into it… How to not give a Fuck.

 

In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference. People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply “not give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given.  Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights.

 

Everybody just wants to be liked and accepted.  The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe? This is the problem.

 

Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.

 

Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People aren’t just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we’re born giving way too many fucks. Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions.

 

This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in by life’s mean trivialities, steamrolled by its unimportant dramas; we live and die by the sidenotes and distractions and vicissitudes that suck the fucks out of us. This is no way to live. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together. And here, allow me to fucking show you.

 

You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice – well, then you’re going to get fucked.

 

It’s impossible not to give a fuck about anything, nor is that desirable.

In fact, it’s important to give a fuck sometimes:

If you don’t give a fuck at work, you’ll get fired

If you don’t give a fuck in business, you’ll soon be out of business

If you don’t give a fuck about your friends, you soon won’t have any friends

 

The problem is that too many of us give too many fucks about the things that aren’t important and that don’t matter. The things we can’t control and can’t change such as the opinions of others, what other people think of us, whether or not someone else likes us.

 

What we should be doing is prioritizing our fucks for the things that matter.

In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely.

 

Before we go further, let’s define what a “fuck” is:

The definition of a “fuck” Giving a fuck means you care. 

 

So what are the things that we should and shouldn’t give a fuck about?

 

Things you should give a fuck about

Your career

Your business

Your time

Your money

Your health

Your happiness

Your goals

Your friends

Your family

Your partner

 

Things you shouldn’t give a fuck about

What other people think about you

Whether or not other people like you

The opinions of random people on social media

The things you can’t control and can’t change

The expectations of others – unless it’s your boss or your customers

The opinions of others – especially those who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about

Celebrity gossip

The latest trends

Approval seeking

 

If you’re constantly engaging in one or more of the following behaviors, you probably give too many fucks:

Attention seeking behavior

Apologizing when you have nothing to be sorry for

Asking permission when you don’t need to

Being overly agreeable and seeking rapport at all costs

Being overly concerned with the opinions of other people

Being overly loud in order to draw attention to yourself

Dressing in such a way that is likely to draw attention to you

Fishing for compliments

Forcing complimentary attributes/stories about yourself into conversation

Laughing at things that aren’t funny

Posting pictures on Facebook and Instagram etc. and saying things on social media that you know are likely to result in lots of compliments and likes

Trying to be someone you’re not

Do yourself a favor: Drop all attachment to what other people think, say and do, and don’t feel the need to explain or justify yourself to anyone.

 

Because:

You are not inferior to anyone, You are not less than anyone, It’s not your job to make anyone happy.

Unless you’ve made a promise or signed a contract you don’t owe anyone anything.

 

Why you shouldn’t give a fuck

I’m not saying you shouldn’t give a fuck about anything, but here’s why you shouldn’t give a fuck about most things: Let’s be honest, most things aren’t important and don’t matter. It’s liberating. When you stop caring what other people think, no one will be able to manipulate you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Most people are stupid. Why should you care what the average idiot thinks? 

People will criticize and complain no matter what you do. So you might as well do whatever you want to do. When you stop giving a fuck you’ll take more chances, and experience more of what life has to offer.

“Then you’re not scared to try shit, because when you don’t give a fuck about what anybody says about you failing, you love failing.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

 

The problem with giving too many fucks about what other people think, is that you become afraid to take chances, your comfort zone starts to shrink, and you start holding back in life.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

 

You’ll regret it when you get older, and if you’re like me, you might even look back in disgust at any approval seeking behavior. The ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty fucking easy.

 

So lets study this in more detail…

 

SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK DOES NOT MEAN BEING INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT

The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs. They say “Fuck it,” not to everything in life, but rather they say “Fuck it” to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return. Frank Zappa Quote: I don’t give a fuck if they remember me at all.

 

SUBTLETY #2: TO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ADVERSITY, YOU MUST FIRST GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ADVERSITY

Eric Hoffer once wrote: “A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people’s business.”The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don’t have anything more fuckworthy to dedicate their fucks to. If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you—your ex’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another 2-for-1 sale on hand sanitizer—chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Way too many fucks given. In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care.

 

SUBTLETY #3: WE ALL HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF FUCKS TO GIVE; PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE AND WHO YOU GIVE THEM TO

When we’re young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting. And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks. We give a fuck about everything and everyone—about what people are saying about us, about whether that cute boy/girl called us back or not, about whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is. As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives. Those people’s opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We’ve found the love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections cease to mean much anymore. We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others.

 

Essentially, we become more selective about the fucks we’re willing to give. This is something called ‘maturity.’ Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy. Then, as we grow older and enter middle age, something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change what now seems inevitable in our lives. And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. We now reserve our ever-dwindling fucks only for the most truly fuckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends. And to our astonishment, this is enough. This simplification actually makes us really fucking happy.

 

And in simple terms how to not give a fuck 

 

Will this matter a year from now?

If the answer is no – don’t give a fuck.

If the answer is yes – do something about it.

 

Why do you give a fuck?

Do you give a fuck because it’s really that important? Or only because you’ve been brainwashed by other people/the media/social media to give a fuck? Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.

 

Have something more important to focus on

One of the best ways to stop giving a fuck about the things that don’t matter, is to have something more important to focus on. When you have some big important goal you’re working on e.g. your own business, you don’t have any time left over to waste on unimportant crap that doesn’t matter. You sweat the small stuff when you’re not focused on the big stuff.

 

Make a conscious effort

“Try not giving a fuck, there’s a lot of power in that.” – Marc Maron

I used to give a fuck about everything. I would get angry and frustrated at the smallest things, and like most people, I was extremely attached to what other people thought, said, and did. That was until I made a conscious effort to stop being triggered by the things that annoyed me about other people. Whenever anyone said or did something I didn’t like, I would instantly let it go instead of analyzing it to death, or letting it build up into something big in my mind. This was extremely difficult at first, and I was definitely triggered by a lot of things along the way, but now it’s become easy and effortless and I rarely get triggered by anything. Even if someone says something deliberately to annoy or trigger me I don’t care and I don’t respond. 

Most people however, are so easily angered. So easily offended. So easily triggered. It’s so easy to push their buttons because they have so many. They’re like children. If you’re constantly triggered and upset by everything like I was, you’ll definitely need to make a conscious effort to let go in the beginning. But I promise you that after a while it becomes easier not to react then it does to react. The only reason it seems hard now, is because you’ve been conditioned to react and so you’re used to it.

You might be thinking to yourself:

“I can’t let everything go!”

“There are times that I need to speak up and say something!”

Maybe sometimes, but not always, and definitely not most of the time.

Try out what I’m saying and see for yourself. The next time you feel the urge to speak up and say something – especially when someone says or does something stupid – don’t – and then see what happens. See if it makes any difference at all.

What you’ll find is that 99.99% of the time it doesn’t make any difference at all.

Anyone can yell and scream and argue and fight, but it’s even tougher to let things go, especially in real-time as they happen, without the slightest bit of anger, hatred, or resentment. It’s better for you too. And, like I said, the more you practice letting go, the easier it gets, and you’ll start to wonder why everyone else is so damn intolerant and reactive. They’re like children who can’t help themselves.

 

Accept the things you can’t change.

Change the things you can. The end. “Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” – Eckhart Tolle

 

Meditation

Without exception: The people that are most easily triggered and upset by every little thing, have an overactive mind that has been conditioned to react to everything. Meditation gives you space between you and your mind, and it allows you to detach from your triggers and to watch your thoughts without reacting to them, and to feel your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. After a while this becomes automatic and easy even when you’re not meditating. “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor Frankl

 

Mindfulness

Most of the time you give a fuck about something, you’re either anxious about the future, angry, frustrated, or sad about the past, or focused on things you can’t change and can’t control. However when you practice mindfulness and you bring your attention consciously back into the present moment, you become more resourceful, and your mind is less likely to wander or to come up with painful “why” questions about the past, or scary “what if” scenarios about the future.

 

Desensitize yourself

Whatever it is that you’re afraid of:

Public speaking

Talking to the opposite sex

The judgments of other people

You have to face that fear until you’re desensitized to it, until you don’t give a fuck about it any longer.

If you get nervous about public speaking – join Toastmasters and start practicing. Do it until you’re bored with it and you just don’t give a fuck. If you get nervous talking to girls – talk to a lot of them. Do it until you’re bored with it and you just don’t give a fuck. If you give a fuck about getting rejected in sales, make so many calls and get so many rejections that you just don’t give a fuck any more.

 

Confidence

The more confident you are, the less fucks you’ll give in general, especially about what other people might think/say/do. Confidence building activities: Acting classes, Debating, Martial Arts, Public speaking, Singing. Mastering a skill, becoming a subject matter expert, Making progress on something that is important to you, Wearing clothes that suit you and make you look good

 

Remember: You’ll be dead soon

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” – Steve Jobs

 

Conclusion

You don’t have time to give a fuck. You really don’t. Do what you want or don’t – either way you’ll be dead soon. Go for your dreams or don’t – either way you’ll be dead soon.