How To Live With Authenticity.

Here is a definition of authenticity from Merriam-Webster:

Authenticity is being true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

 

…and staying committed to that true self when interacting with the world. So how do we become more authentic? In order to be true to oneself, you have to know who you are. So let’s focus on that first.

 

Step one: know thyself.

In order to know yourself, you first have to go through the fire. The fire’s unavoidable. There’s a reason life is hard. All those daily obstacles are what change you, for better or worse. It’s all about how you choose to respond to the shit life throws at you. This is where you’ll first begin to develop authenticity: your lowest moments are where you form and refine your values, your beliefs, your way of thinking. You can let them control you, or you can control them. But they do shape you.

 

It’s up to you how you react. When you choose to acknowledge the pain and rise above it, you start to reclaim your power. It’s hard to know yourself when you’ve become a master at avoiding yourself your entire life. It’s an effective way to cut yourself off from your pain, but it’s also how you end up spending your entire life not really living. Because when you numb your pain, you numb your passions, too.

 

The second step to authenticity is loving yourself.

This is the hard part. Getting kicked around by life is easy. But learning how to love yourself through it requires real work, which is why most people will never even try.

 

But you can’t have authenticity without self-love. And not having self-love means you’re missing out on the easiest, strongest, and most consistent source of radiant JOY in our lives. When you love yourself, everything gets brighter. It can take patience and time to get there, if you’ve spent a lifetime devoted to the habit of beating yourself up. It is, perhaps, the most essential purpose of our entire lives. Everything stems from self-love. Authenticity requires the bravery to stay true to yourself despite pressure from others to change or fit a certain mold. And there’s no way you’re staying on Team You if you hate yourself. I know how impossible it can feel to love yourself sometimes. 

 

You can feel your whole vibration raise and lighten when your loving yourself. You will feel so much happier, more optimistic, and charismatic. Be more open and more positive because you are on Team ME. Hear your mind cheering yourself on. It’s much, much better than the despair that comes with self-loathing.

 

How do you start with self-love? Make the choice to be as kind to yourself as you would your own child. That’s right. Pretend you’re your own parent. Start to consider how to best take care of yourself: your mental and physical health and safety and happiness. Nourish yourself in small ways. Habits take time to build, and you need to retrain your brain to connect to the positive pathways as a default instead of your old negative ones. 

 

And finally, step three: In order to live authentically, you must be brave enough to be in alignment with your values in all areas of your life.

So now that you’ve done the inner work of falling in love with yourself, it’s time to get serious with this actionable step. Once you define your values by getting to know yourself, and then realize you and your values are worth defending, you’ve got to practice, on a moment-to-moment basis, honoring your commitment to authenticity. Start to ask yourself if you’re showing up authentically at work, in your relationships, and with yourself. Authenticity also means aligning your words with your actions. Do as you say, say as you do. Do your words represent your authentic self? Do your actions?

 

Being authentic, being true to yourself, is an incredibly vulnerable act.

This is why we work so hard to avoid it—we fear that others won’t accept our true selves. So we hustle to fit in, to be like everyone else, in an attempt to belong, but all we’re doing is fueling disconnection. It’s important to love yourself enough to not need other’s approval or competition and do you.

 

Authenticity is going to look different for everyone, because we’re all different, but it’s really common for us to want to belong to a group, so we start to adopt the habits and beliefs of a group (which could be as small as a friendship or as large as a country). It takes courage to resist the pull of the herd and stay on your own path.

 

Not everyone will like you, whether you try to fit in or not. So why not say screw it and beat to the tune of your own drum?

 

Brené Brown‘s works is a self-help author and shame researcher who writes about vulnerability. Her books are great if you want to dive deeper into that topic. 

 

I’m committed to being more authentic in my day to day interactions, too. For me, that’s sometimes harder. But I can’t think of a more important mission. The more of us that lead the way by staying true to ourselves with authenticity, the better to light the path for others to do the same. It’s freedom we’re seeking; from the masks we wear to try to earn love. Now get out there and let your light shine.