Main Character Introduction
Don’t follow other people’s stories, instead create your own. Having main character energy is equated to being a protagonist in a film. It is a creative way to romanticise your life.
What is main character energy all about?
- New beginnings and positive changes
- Changing your standards, elevating
- Feeling a new sense of empowerment
- Letting more joy and pleasure in
- Asking yourself what makes you happy
- Filling up your own cup/self love
- Playfulness
- Tapping into creativity
- Feeling fear but doing it anyways
But first, stop saying excuse me!
Do you start most of your sentences with “excuse me, but…”. The sad truth is that this lack of confidence makes you seem less important in the eyes of others. This is not to say that you should never apologise – conceding when you are wrong and owning up to your actions shows great strength of character. But unless you have actually messed up, the word “sorry” should be erased from your vocabulary. You do not need permission to speak.
Saying no to people is difficult, because many of us fear appearing impolite or selfish. That is why we often agree to do favours for others, even when our excitement for the task in question is below freezing point. Being upfront is difficult at first and saying no can make you feel like a bad person. Those who remain by your side are there because they like you for you, not for what you do.
THINGS TO STOP & START DOING TO BECOME THE MAIN CHARACTER IN YOUR OWN LIFE
Stop comparing.
To be the main character in your own life is going to require you to start seeing yourself this way. You aren’t the sidekick, the background character, the cameo appearance. This. Is. Your. Life. There will always be someone who has more (and less) than you. They get to be the main characters of their stories, and guess what, you still get to be the main character of yours.
Start listening to your own wants, needs, boundaries.
Start being curious about yourself: your preferences, likes, dislikes, things that make you smile, things that make you feel comforted, things that excite you, things that challenge you. Boundaries then come in to protect your joy. Main characters are interesting because they have wants, needs, dreams, goals, motivations. They aren’t everyone’s doormat. Get to know yourself as a main character does.
Stop pleasing people.
I once heard that people pleasing is a form of control.We want to control other people’s perceptions of us. We want to be what they expect, want, and need us to be so we can be liked and accepted. This is not Main Character Energy.
Start doing your inner work.
We need to take a step back and examine this need for control, this need to be liked, this need to be needed. Where does it come from? When did I learn this? We need to be honest enough with ourselves, the parts we hide the most shame, the most fear, the most pain is not easy.
Stop criticising and judging.
Criticizing and judging others often means you turn that on yourself 100-fold. Main characters do not criticize themselves into a black hole, they learn what they need to learn, trust themselves to make the change, and move forward with their newfound learning and confidence. Cut back on the amount you’re cutting yourself and others down.
Start offering kindness and compassion.
What we know of main characters: they get into some kind of conflict, they have some sort of trial they work through it and learn the lesson, mend the relationship, meet the goal, accomplish the mission, etc. See the bigger story at play here. You’re in a moment of trial, conflict, pain – you do not need to add more. You do not need to motivate yourself with shame and judgment and criticism.
Stop trying to be perfect.
Buy this, wear this, do this in order to be perfect, liked, desirable, successful, loved, accepted, etc…. The truth is that we do not need to be perfect to be all these things (and more). The truth is that we can’t be perfect. All we can be is human; all we can be is ourselves. The sooner we learn this, the freer we are to actually come to understand and pursue the things that are of value to us and connect us to each other.
Start being vulnerable.
Humans find connection through vulnerability. Vulnerability is hard, it’s messy. It can also be deeply rewarding and freeing. When we let people see us as the whole person we are, we learn to accept those hard parts of ourselves, too.
Stop trying to be “normal”.
Normal is a social construct. It’s established by those in power of what this “good standard of human” or “the good life” looks like. In reality, the diversity and differences within our species is too vast to come up with such a model of average/normal. I encourage you to truly examine your assumptions and definitions around a “normal” person or life or experience. Maybe you wish you weren’t neuro-diverse, that you didn’t have to struggle with mental health issues, that your relationships weren’t broken, that you weren’t living paycheck to paycheck… These are not small things to wrestle with. This is what it means to be human. To be alive, to be messy, to experience suffering –to live in a system that does not serve, value, or treat everyone equally. The issue is not you; it’s the idea that there is a “normal” that you do not live up to.
Start accepting who you are.
Take stock of yourself. What are your growth areas, your strengths, your interests, talents, hopes, dreams, flaws, issues, the things that make you you or make you human. Then, Own it all. All the socially acceptable, good parts along with the bad and the ugly. You’re not perfect. You may not be “normal.” Find your way to this acceptance as often as you can, for it is not a destination, something we arrive at once and done; it’s a journey, mixed in with all the aforementioned grief, loss, denial, anger, anxiety, and pain. Own that this is your journey and do with it what you can with what you’ve got.
Observe your Thoughts
As I already mentioned, when you lose your place as protagonist you are leaving space for something else to fill that role. That someone else is your mind. The mind is a beautiful thing- it can add such depth and passion to life. However, if not properly trained it can become a weapon- a bullying tyrant that wishes to suppress everything that you are and that you wish to become. Don’t let that happen! The first step is to observe your thoughts. Just observe them- you don’t have to dissect them or analyze them, just identify them. The moment we consciously pinpoint our thoughts we are identifying when our mind is taking over control.
The Importance of Being Present
The present is the only moment we are actually living; it is the only moment that we can actually take action. It is not the regret of yesterday or the fear for tomorrow, but it is the present that counts. “Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be”
Don’t Judge Yourself
Your thoughts tend to mirror insecurities and circle about in endless negativity that lead to nowhere, if not more negativity. You will start to identify with your thoughts and believe that you really are weak, incapable or so forth. They are here to continue to weaken you so that your mind can maintain control. Remind yourself that you are not your mind, so that when you observe those thoughts you can also interrupt them.
Stop Feeling Responsible
I remember the overburdening feeling of feeling responsible for everything 24/7. I felt like I had to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and that if I didn’t I was a failure. I viewed my life through obligations and not pleasures. The thought was always “well I HAVE to do it.” You are not a saint- you don’t have to do anything. When you are doing that particular thing do you feel resentful or at peace? Learn to ask yourself how you feel and learn to listen to your emotions. Your emotions are the guides that tell you what you actually think or feel about something.
What to Expect from Yourself
You are not responsible for the happiness or success of others. Remember you are not a saint, no one expects that from you except you! You sit there thinking that people are just waiting around for you- chances are they aren’t! YOU are the one that places that responsibility on yourself.
Learn to Let Go
When you are not the main character, certain thoughts take control of your mind that cycle over and over again. Many “what ifs” and “I should or shouldn’t haves.” These are all thoughts that dwell in the past or in the future. What if I had done this? Well who cares?! Time has passed- you can’t change it so move on. Dwelling on the thought isn’t going to change it- it is only going to take away from your present moment. How about what you should do or how you should be? These are all speculative questions that focus on the future. Try to come back to the present and just BE. Whatever is or shouldn’t be will just be and unfold on its own- let go of trying to control everything. You physically can’t control everything and honestly what are you even trying to control? Your own image/identity? Just let yourself be.
Ask Yourself if Your Fears are Real
When you tell yourself that you are not good enough, not smart enough, and turn to someone for guidance or validation, ask yourself if you really need this guidance. Are you sure that you really need it, or is it just insecurity and the fear of not being enough? Make sure your fears are founded on some legitimate example or concept- if they are not, it is just extra noise that is draining your positive energy and convincing you otherwise.
Realize You Control Your Destiny
At the end of the day YOU control your destiny. Every choice that matters is one that stems from you. In my case, once I recognized that I could choose which doors to open and which to close I felt a profound sense of empowerment. That only me and my own two feet could tell me what to do and how to do it. I realized that if I just waited there waiting for my anxiety and dread to go away I would never accomplish anything. I needed to be active and if I really wanted to change I just needed to commit to the idea that I was enough and that I held the reigns to my own life.
You Have Nothing to Lose
Gget that ‘why not?’ attitude going. If you can’t find a reason then just do it! I guarantee that the more things you start doing (as opposed to fearfully observing), the more and more confidence you will gain that you’ve got this! Slowly but surely you will find yourself back in the driver’s seat.
Here’s why you should start romanticising your own life.
You have to start romanticising your life. You have to start thinking of yourself as the main character. Because if you don’t, life will continue to pass you by and all the little things that make it so beautiful will continue to go unnoticed. So take a second and look around and realise that it’s a blessing for you to be here right now.
]You live your life to the fullest, you appreciate the little things
How can I romanticise my life?
Take photos and videos of things you’ll want to remember.
Make playlists
Wear what you want.
Make the most out of the little things
Stop comparing.
Start listening to your own wants, needs, boundaries.
Stop people pleasing.
Start doing your inner work.
Stop criticizing and judging.
Start offering kindness and compassion.
Stop trying to be perfect.
Start being vulnerable.
Stop trying to be “normal”.
Start accepting who you are.